If you’ve ever heard someone say, “You seem so organized—I’d never guess you have ADHD,” you might know the complicated mix of pride and exhaustion that follows. For many women, living with ADHD means learning to mask—to cover up or compensate for symptoms in ways that help them “fit in,” but often at a steep personal cost.
Masking can look different for everyone. Maybe it’s spending hours rewriting an email so it sounds “professional,” forcing yourself to sit still even when your mind is buzzing, or pretending you’re fine when inside you’re overwhelmed. It’s the invisible labor of trying to appear like everyone else, while your brain is running a completely different operating system.
For women and girls, this pattern often starts early. Many are praised for being “quiet,” “helpful,” or “mature,” so they learn to push through distraction or forgetfulness by working twice as hard. Others overcompensate by becoming perfectionists, people-pleasers, or chronic apologizers.
Speaking of over-apologizing—when I hit my 30s, I realized I had a real problem with this and spent the next several years unlearning it. Now, in my forties, I often call “sorry” the “S-word.” I still remember a conversation in my twenties when someone pointed out that I said “sorry” a lot—and I instinctively said sorry again. Sorry for saying sorry. That moment stuck with me, because it captured exactly how automatic and deeply wired that reflex had become.
These coping strategies can help women succeed—until they don’t. Over time, masking can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression, leaving people wondering, “Why does everything feel harder for me than it should?”
What’s tricky is that masking can delay diagnosis. Women are often diagnosed years later than men because their ADHD doesn’t always look “hyperactive.” Instead, it shows up as disorganization, emotional overwhelm, trouble focusing, or mental fatigue. These symptoms can get mislabeled as anxiety or mood issues, while the underlying ADHD goes untreated.
Recognizing masking is the first step toward unmasking—toward giving yourself permission to show up as you are. That might mean setting realistic expectations, talking openly with a therapist or coach, or finding small systems that work for you, not against you. It’s about shifting from “How can I hide this?” to “How can I support myself?”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken or lazy—you’ve just been working overtime to meet a world that wasn’t designed for your brain. Real progress often starts with understanding, self-compassion, and a few honest conversations about what masking really costs.
Because when women with ADHD stop performing “okay” and start living authentically, the energy once spent pretending can finally go toward thriving.
You don’t have to face this alone. Our experienced clinicians can guide you toward balance and relief. Call or schedule an appointment with us today.
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